Hi my name is Jemma.

I still don't really understand why - but 7 years ago when I was 15 - I developed an eating disorder.

I wasn't unhappy at school, I wasn't unhappy at home, I didn't want to be like the women in fashion magazines, it was more that I was unhappy with myself, I thought this unhappiness would go away if I lost weight.

For two years no one knew. I had a routine. I'd eat breakfast (I believed that I'd burn off these calories during the day so I was OK about eating breakfast). Besides a frozen fruit box, I wouldn't eat then until dinner - which I'd later vomit up, or "purge".

I'd set myself weight loss targets but then when I'd achieved them, I'd decide it wasn't good enough and I'd set another target, and on it went until it was out of control.

In Year 12 for, I told a friend and then a teacher about my eating disorder. I'm not sure why, I guess I felt very alone. On the other hand, I really didn't want anyone to know (although in retrospect maybe I did on some very subconscious level).

Some time later after I began suffering dizzy spells at school and, as a result, my teacher told the school counsellor about the eating disorder, who in turn informed my parents.

It was then that my life began to fall apart. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, yet couldn't stop my behaviour. My mother was devastated and was always monitoring what I ate. We fought constantly and as a result I ended up moving out of home to live with my nanna. The fact that the eating disorder was out in the open only motivated me to lose more weight and towards the end of Year 12 I had my first period of hospitalisation.

Whilst I gained some weight in hospital, the program really didn't work for me. When I was discharged, I went well for a while but soon after fell back into old habits, as these were comfortable and familiar to me.

I was very underweight when I was first hospitalised. When I returned to hospital for a second time about six months later I weighed 3 kilograms less than I did the first time I was admitted. After I was discharged from my second admission, instead of eating and purging after some meals I became anorexic; and avoided eating almost completely.

Over subsequent years I was hospitalised a further three times and my weight went down as low as 10 kilograms below my first admission weight - however the target in my head had gone down another kilo.

During my last two admissions I wasn't allowed to participate in group therapy sessions as they told me I had done them all before and had gained no benefit. Each stay was more and more boring and more demoralising. Due to my frustration, I continuously pushed the boundaries of the program.

However in hospital I met a nurse, Liz Everard. We spent a lot of time talking and she told me that she too had had an eating disorder. After I was discharged, she told me about the Body Esteem pilot program which she was coordinating and asked if I'd like to join.

I felt comfortable with Liz and decided I would give it a go, because I really had nothing to lose.

The Body Esteem Project offered me a completely different perspective than hospital and the other efforts that I had either tried or that had been forced on me.

My eating disorder had always been focused around weight and calorie counting.

With Body Esteem for the first time I was genuinely able to take the focus away from ‘weight" and consider a range of other issues surrounding body image, self esteem issues, insecurities, emotional problems and other things which were possibly linked with our eating disorders.

In the Body Esteem Project, we looked at our broader life goals and how we would achieve these goals. I felt that it was possible to work towards these goals to regain some hope and happiness.

The level of support from the facilitators - whom I found to be inspirational - and other participants also worked for me. With previous treatment methods, I found that once I was discharged from hospital, there was no support, thus increasing the chances of relapse.

While participating in Body Esteem I was also supported by a friend who I'd met in hospital. She also wanted to overcome her eating disorder - in fact, she was the one who first suggested to me that we combine our efforts to overcome our eating disorders. Together we set short and long-term goals, we started to eat more appropriate amounts supported each other. I tried to stay away from the scales so I wouldn't know how much I weighed.

Today thanks to my participation in the Body Esteem Program and the pact I made with my friend I have a lot of positives in my life:
• I have a partner. We had our first child - a son in December 2007.
• My mum is really excited about becoming a grandmother and we have rebuilt the good relationship we once had.
• I have completed my second year of a university course, majoring in Youth Work - I'll defer next year to spend time with my baby and aim to complete the degree in 2009.
...There's still something there in the back of my head and I know I could become anorexic again BUT I also have many positive things in my life and would never want to do anything to risk my baby's happiness and so I'm confident I won't regress.

What were the costs of those years?

• Although I had many health problems along the way, some of them very serious, I don't think I have any permanent health problems.
• My mother suffered a lot - she had a lot of health problems arising out of stress and for my first two hospitalisations we had no private insurance and so mum paid out around $350 a day for a period of around 6-8 weeks in total, so the financial cost was also very high.
I know that there are those who think that people with an eating disorder are selfish and self-absorbed and should just get over it. It's not like that - it's completely the opposite, there is such a self loathing that sufferers want to fade away. Somewhere along the downhill spiral, they also lose touch with emotional reality.

I found it soul destroying. At one stage everyone had given up on me. My psychiatrist told me she wouldn't see me anymore because I hadn't made any progress over a three year period. My mum was worn out. I had lost some very good friends and never went out - the only interests I had were for counting calories and exercising. I'd given up on myself. I'd lost everything.

I didn't mean to reach this state, I wasn't happy about being there. But the support I had simply did not seem to work for me. I felt trapped and couldn't break free.

I think it's absolutely fantastic that the Body Esteem Project has received funding to continue operating. It's helped a lot of people, including giving me back hope and offering support that helped me move past the stage, most dangerous for regression, after being discharged from hospital for the fifth, and I'm pleased to say, final time.